so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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