i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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