Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
