how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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