honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
