Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
