Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Walk of Shame today included voting.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
