I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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