hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
