just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
