so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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