I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
