so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
