Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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