I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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