Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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