How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
