I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
