i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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