My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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