I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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