Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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