When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
jump out the window naked night went bad
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
