I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
