Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
