So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
