she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
