Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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