Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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