Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
where does the pee come out of this thing
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
