Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
