It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
