So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
