Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
