So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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