So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
