She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
