sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
