ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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