Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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