her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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