I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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