he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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