all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
