If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
