is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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