My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
