How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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