fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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