So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The struggles of a small town man whore
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