The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
