I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
