Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
