I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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