Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
