There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
