This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
